The notion of a "favorite child" is a deeply ingrained cultural trope that often raises eyebrows and sparks heated debates in families and beyond. Many parents adamantly deny having a favorite child, insisting they love all their children equally. However, research shows that the reality is more complex, and parental favoritism does occur, albeit often in subtle and unexpected ways. A recent meta-analysis published by the American Psychological Association examines the factors that contribute to favoritism in parenting and explores its impact on children's development. By delving into the study’s findings and drawing on key psychological theories, we can better understand the intricate dynamics of parental favoritism and its potential consequences for family relationships and individual well-being.

Understanding the Study: A Comprehensive Meta-Analysis

The study, led by Dr. Alexander Jensen, an associate professor at Brigham Young University, reviewed data from 30 studies spanning 14 databases, totaling over 19,000 participants. The researchers sought to determine what factors influence parental favoritism and how these preferences manifest in treatment, control, resource allocation, and parent-child interactions. The analysis examined various demographic and psychological factors, including children’s age, personality traits, gender, and birth order.

One of the study's key findings is that children who display particular personality traits—such as agreeableness, conscientiousness, and emotional stability—are more likely to receive preferential treatment from their parents. According to Dr. Jensen, children who are easier to manage, emotionally attuned, or more cooperative tend to be favored because they are seen as more responsive to parental efforts. This is not necessarily an intentional bias but a natural response to how well a child’s temperament aligns with the parent’s expectations and emotional needs.

In addition to personality traits, the study found that daughters were more likely to be favored than sons. This finding echoes previous research suggesting that gender plays a role in shaping parental preferences. However, it is essential to note that the reasons behind these preferences are multifaceted and vary by family context.

The Role of Birth Order and Family Dynamics

While the firstborn child has long been considered the “golden child” due to their role as the first to receive parental attention, the study reveals that birth order alone does not fully explain favoritism. Instead, parental expectations, sibling relationships, and the amount of attention each child demands contribute to favoritism. Dr. Jensen notes, “It might be about responsibility, temperament, or how easy or hard you are to deal with.”

Research suggests that parents may unconsciously prefer children who align with their values or provide emotional or practical support. For example, a child who helps their parents emotionally or takes on a caregiving role may be perceived as “better” or more worthy of affection. This is especially true in cases where parents experience stress or hardship. In such cases, the child more sensitive to the parent’s emotional needs may be treated more favorably. However, this treatment may fluctuate depending on the child’s behavior at any given time.

Moreover, the sibling relationship can also play a role in shaping parental preferences. Sibling rivalry, for instance, might cause a parent to favor one child over another by reinforcing the bond with the more compliant child or as a way to alleviate conflict. This dynamic is often more pronounced when parents feel emotionally drained or overwhelmed by sibling conflicts, leading them to gravitate toward the child who requires less attention or is perceived as easier to manage.

Temperamental Factors and Their Impact on Parental Favoritism and Attachment Styles

Temperament refers to the inherent behavioral and emotional characteristics that influence how a child responds to the world around them. It encompasses emotional reactivity, attention span, adaptability, and sociability. These traits play a crucial role in shaping a child's interactions with their parents and, as research suggests, can significantly affect whether a child is favored.

The study by Dr. Jensen and colleagues highlighted that parents are more likely to favor children who display particular personality traits, such as agreeableness and conscientiousness. These children tend to be more emotionally attuned to their parents' needs, responsive to discipline, and easier to manage. Conversely, children who are more challenging to parent—due to traits such as high emotional reactivity, impulsivity, or low sociability—may be less favored.

Traits of Favored Children

1. Agreeableness and Conscientiousness: Children who exhibit agreeableness traits—such as being cooperative, empathetic, and friendly—are likelier to receive positive attention from parents. These children tend to maintain harmonious relationships with their caregivers, fostering security and warmth. Similarly, conscientious children, who are responsible, self-disciplined, and dependable, are often rewarded with more attention because their behavior aligns with parental expectations of compliance and achievement.
2. Emotional Regulation: Children who can regulate their emotions well—calm themselves when upset, express their needs appropriately, and maintain emotional control in challenging situations—tend to be favored. These children often reduce the emotional burden on parents by being less demanding or volatile in their interactions. This aligns with the research suggesting that parents are more likely to favor children who are easier to manage, especially in emotionally taxing situations.
3. Sociability and Social Sensitivity: Outgoing, socially skilled, and attuned children attuned to their parent’s emotional needs are often favored because positive interactions reinforce a parent's connection and affection. This includes children who can provide emotional support or show empathy, which can be especially appealing during difficult moments for parents.

Traits of Non-Favored Children

1. Emotional Reactivity: Conversely, children who display high emotional reactivity, including frequent outbursts, heightened sensitivity, and difficulty managing distress, are often perceived as challenging by parents. These children may evoke more negative reactions from parents overwhelmed by their intense emotions. Although this does not mean these children are loved any less, their behaviors may lead to less favorable treatment or more disciplinary actions.
2. Impulsivity and Difficult Temperament: Children with impulsive temperaments or who engage in challenging behaviors such as defiance, noncompliance, or impulsive risk-taking are likelier to receive negative attention. These children can be more challenging for parents to connect with or control, which might result in fewer positive interactions or feelings of frustration and resentment.
3. Withdrawn or Introverted Behavior: Children who are more introverted or socially withdrawn may receive less attention from parents, especially if the parent desires more outward expression of affection or connection. Although these children may not exhibit disruptive behavior, their more reserved nature might make it harder for parents to gauge their emotional needs, leading to potential emotional support or recognition neglect.

The Impact on Attachment Style

A child’s temperament significantly impacts their attachment style—how they form bonds with their caregivers, manage their emotional needs, and perceive their relationships. John Bowlby's attachment theory posits that children form different types of attachment based on the responsiveness and availability of their caregivers. These attachment styles influence their childhood development, future relationships, and emotional regulation.

1. Secure Attachment: Children who exhibit traits that align with their parents’ expectations—such as emotional regulation, sociability, and agreeableness—are more likely to form secure attachments. These children tend to receive consistent emotional support from their caregivers, who respond to their needs in a nurturing and predictable manner. The child learns they can rely on their caregivers for comfort and security, fostering a healthy attachment. Securely attached children typically grow up with higher self-esteem, better emotional regulation, and healthier relationships.
2. Insecure Attachment: In contrast, children who display traits such as high emotional reactivity, impulsivity, or withdrawal may develop insecure attachment styles. When parents consistently unmet or misinterpret a child’s needs or perceive them as “difficult,” the child may develop a sense of insecurity or anxiety in their relationships. Children who are difficult to manage might be ignored or punished more often, leading to attachment patterns characterized by ambivalence or avoidance.
   • Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment: This attachment style occurs in children with inconsistent emotional responses. Due to a lack of reliable responsiveness, these children may become clingy and overly dependent on their parents. This is often seen in children who, despite their emotional needs, are sometimes neglected or rejected, confusing their caregiver’s availability.
   • Avoidant Attachment: Children perceived as emotionally distant or withdrawing from their caregivers are likelier to develop an avoidant attachment style. These children may learn to suppress their emotional needs because they anticipate that their caregivers will not be responsive. They may grow up to have difficulties trusting others or relying on them for emotional support.
3. Disorganized Attachment: Children who experience erratic or unpredictable parental behavior—especially if there is a significant level of parental favoritism—might develop disorganized attachment. This occurs when the child’s emotional needs are met unpredictably, creating confusion about the reliability of their caregivers. This attachment style is often seen in situations where parents are inconsistent in their treatment of children or when there is significant conflict or dysfunction within the family.

The Importance of Parental Responsiveness

It is important to note that attachment styles are not solely determined by a child’s temperament but by the parent's responsiveness to that temperament. Children who are emotionally reactive or difficult may still form secure attachments if their parents respond with sensitivity and care. Conversely, a child exhibiting more agreeable traits may struggle with attachment if the parent is distant or emotionally unavailable.

When parents are responsive to their child's emotional and behavioral needs—whether the child is easy or challenging to manage—they are more likely to develop a secure attachment. Conversely, a lack of responsiveness or inconsistency in caregiving often leads to insecure attachment patterns.

The Impact of Favoritism on Attachment and Emotional Development

The study also suggests that parental favoritism can profoundly influence a child's emotional development and attachment style. Consistently favored children may develop a more secure attachment to their parents because they experience greater emotional consistency and support. However, being favored is not always without drawbacks, as it can create pressure to meet high expectations and a fear of losing parental approval.

In contrast, children who feel less favored may develop insecure attachment patterns, leading to emotional difficulties later in life. They may struggle with self-worth, experience heightened anxiety in relationships, or have difficulty forming secure bonds with others. This highlights the importance of ensuring that all children, regardless of their temperament, receive the emotional validation and support they need to form healthy attachment styles and thrive emotionally.

Mitigating the Effects of Favoritism

One of the most effective ways to mitigate the effects of favoritism is for parents to acknowledge their biases and actively work to treat all their children equitably. Dr. Jensen emphasizes that parents must recognize when showing preferential treatment and consciously try to balance their approach to each child. He suggests that parents reflect on how they may unintentionally favor one child over another and adjust their behaviors accordingly.

Transparency and communication are key. Children who understand the reasons behind their parents’ treatment may be less affected by favoritism. For instance, a child who receives fewer new clothes because their sibling is receiving hand-me-downs may feel less resentment if the parent explains the situation. Dr. Jensen recalls a conversation he had with his daughter, in which she questioned why her younger sister had more dresses. The older daughter understood and accepted the difference when he explained that the younger sister was receiving hand-me-downs.

In families where favoritism is more pronounced, parents need to create a space where children can express their feelings without fear of judgment or retribution. Open discussions about fairness and equal treatment can help mitigate the emotional harm caused by perceived favoritism and strengthen family bonds. As Dr. Weber Libby advises, parents should be open to feedback from their children and family members, even when it is difficult to hear.

Theoretical Frameworks: Understanding Favoritism Through Psychology

Psychological theories offer valuable insights into the mechanisms behind parental favoritism. Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1969) provides a framework for understanding how secure attachments between parents and children influence parental preferences. Children who develop secure attachments are likelier to be favored because they are seen as emotionally stable and easy to care for. On the other hand, children with insecure attachments may struggle to meet their parents’ emotional needs, leading to less favorable treatment.

Social learning theory (Bandura, 1977) further explains how favoritism can be reinforced over time. Parents may unknowingly reward a child's behaviors (such as emotional regulation or compliance), leading to increased positive reinforcement. This creates a cycle in which the favored child receives preferential treatment due to their behavior, while the non-favored child may become disengaged or rebellious.

Conclusion: Navigating Parental Favoritism

Parental favoritism is a complex, multifaceted issue that can significantly impact family dynamics and children’s emotional well-being. While the study confirms that favoritism is real and can be influenced by factors such as temperament, gender, and birth order, it also highlights the importance of fairness, transparency, and open communication in mitigating its effects. By recognizing their biases and treating all children with equal respect and understanding, parents can foster a healthier family environment where every child feels valued, regardless of their place in the family hierarchy.

References

Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Volume I. Attachment. Hogarth Press.

Bandura, A. (1977). Social Learning Theory. Prentice-Hall.

Libby, E. W. (2019). The Favorite Child: How a Favorite Impacts Every Family Member for Life. St. Martin’s Press.

Jensen, A., et al. (2025). Parental favoritism and its impact on child development: A meta-analysis. American Psychological Association.

Rothbart, M. K., & Bates, J. E. (2006). Temperament. In W. Damon & R. M. Lerner (Eds.), Handbook of Child Psychology: Vol. 3. Social, Emotional, and Personality Development (6th ed., pp. 99–166). Wiley.